Sunday, May 30, 2010


Well its 5 am now and I can't sleep... surprise surprise!!! LOL! I have been stewing all night about posting this but then I thought for heavens sake, I know I may get comments all over the map... but anyways... I can't sleep and I am uncomfortable so I thought I am going to go finally.... post on my blog.... lol. Well Things are getting closer for us as baby number 2 is on its way... yep its coming whether we are ready or not... heeehee.. no we are actually getting REALLY excited! Me in particular! I love newborns and I can't wait to see how little Zacky does with new brother or sister. He is so cute already changing his bears diaper, and kissing him to sleep at night.. he is such a little sweetheart! Anyways as things round closer for me I am getting well what should I say... EMOTIONAL... is that a surprise. I have I think every kind of emotion running through my head. I am nervous, can I really do this? 2 kids. I am sure I can but really can I? I am scared, for everything mostly the surgery, will it go well? will everything go smooth like last time? I am sad that I only have 30 days left with just me and my precious boy.... I am excited to start a new life with our new addition but most of all I am grateful for the opportunity to have this baby.... So then it got me thinking a lot of motherhood. There are so many different kinds of mothers, some are funny, some are fun, some are cool some are laid back, some are crazy, some are cleaners, some are sweet and some are weird, some are talented, some are career based, some are so into their kids that they forget that they have husbands or other people around them, some are generous, some are not so generous, there are honestly a billion "types" of mothers around this world. It makes me wonder sometimes what's the "RIGHT" way to parent? well WORLD, this is my new take on it... I believe that every mom was given that child for a reason... (minus the stupid mothers) but that's a different post.... I guess what I am trying to say is sometimes don't you feel that you are not the best of moms? That people can put you down in a place where they point fingers at you because you aren't being the "MOM" they think you should be? I sometimes get like that but.... you know what... I just have to realize I am the best mom for my little Zack. Sometimes I think man I wish I could play with Zack like that mom plays with her kids, or I wish I could be more sensitive, or more of a teacher to Zack ect... but you know what Zack is a perfect little boy (in my opinion anyways...) and I am here just to guide him. He will be the man one day that he will be and I hope and pray that I will be able to guide him to the best of his potential and that's MY JOB not anyone else. What a greater calling than that eh? Anyways this probably seems stupid to write about but its my blog and I had a little epiphany and I thought I need to write this down. I love my boys, I love my husband he is the best supporting husband I have ever met, he is kind, genuine and funny and sweet and most of all I know he loves me and my boy! I love my baby because he is after all "perfect" to me! He is funny and smart and I know he is going to do fabulous things in this life as we grow together as a family! I love my little family and am so grateful the Lord would bless me with such fabulous boys in my LIFE!
(ps yes this baby is really ready to come out!!)